I was driving myself crazy with mad desire for him but I couldn’t make a play for him in this early 80’s small town. I wasn’t as worried about being found out as I was over the possibility of losing our friendship. In retrospect I now realize that I had given myself away with my behavior in his presence. He would catch me looking at him and grin at me slyly or wink. When we were alone together he would talk endlessly about sex. He was a self-proclaimed "pervert" who never stopped thinking about or actively pursuing sex. His magazine collection was legendary and he would often brag to me how many times he had jerked off in a day and he would often take off his shirt at some point. I think he got off on being looked at. He always flaunted his nudity in the locker room and would challenge the other guys to see whose cock was bigger. If he got hard in the shower he’d laugh and start chasing guys around the room waving his massive boner at them and threatening to give it to anyone he. I know Tiffany and Molly want to do wild things and try stuff they’ve missed out. I’m trying to be that person for them. I know Katelyn wants to feel like she’s more than just a friend we keep around so no one calls us racist. I’m trying to be that for her even though race has nothing to do with it. In some ways I guess I view you as an interloper – or maybe as a threat to my popularity within our crowd. I’m not sure and I don’t know if a thousand hours on a psychologist’s couch would help me understand it. I know it’s ridiculous. If you had wanted to keep our friends to yourself, you could have done it last month. All you’d have had to do was explain to them that they could be friends with you or me but not both and I’d have been left to hang out with Chelsea and Alexandra again.“So I spent most of Thursday night and all of Friday morning thinking about what I want. This is what I want. I want a relationship where you and I can spend all morning feeding squirrels in the park and.
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